The Nameless Thing

Stef and I
Stefan and I at the UG School of Medicine’s Award Ceremony for the Class of 2015. He was awarded for being the Best Student in Paediatrics, the Best Student in General Surgery and for graduating with a Distinction.

Life was not made to be rushed through. I try to savour the minutes and hours and days because I know that when they become months and years I won’t be able to remember them all. We don’t remember days or anything in its entirety. We remember moments that touch us in some way.

Yesterday I was in a rush. I burnt a dress I’ve been wanting to wear for a long time and ended up wearing something that I hated with a passion. Usually, I don’t fuss much about clothes. But last night was special. Last night I watched my partner get coated. So now I’m stuck with introducing him as Dr. Stefan Hutson.

I am extremely proud of this man because of where he’s come from and what he’s endured to finally make the dream real in the end. I see he’s been posting that the best dreams happen while you’re awake. He’s right. Dreams don’t magically happen. We’ve got to be awake, conscious and constantly working until the dream becomes real. Dreaming is hard work.

When I first met him, we had an exchange (I won’t call it an argument because for me arguments are spectacular and beautiful things) about me meeting his mother and the nature of our relationship. Here’s part of what he said to me: “What? You need a contract to make it official?” (See why I like him?)

You see, I think this is something we’ve all been guilty of at some point. We try too hard to define everything all the time or rather to give it a name. I’ve found that the most genuine things, the things that will see us through our entire lives are not so easy to name and definitely don’t need a contract.

Sometimes I think that love is not love anymore because of how it’s portrayed in popular culture. So when we begin to feel those unexplainable things, the things that reach deep inside us where we never let anyone see, then sometimes it’s good to just feel, to just let it be and not worry about the what or why or after.

Last night was about him, not me. My dress didn’t matter. And because my dress didn’t matter in any way, I’m the luckiest woman alive. Because when I looked at him, the only thing I looked for was the happiness in his eyes. And I know that when he looks at me, he doesn’t see the dress, he sees me.

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